Rebekah Palmer is a close friend of mine and a very wise writer. I
enjoy our conversations very much. Rebekah has two books out at the
moment. The most recent of these deals with a difficult topic; sexual
abuse. I was honored when I was asked to read an early copy of this
book. Rebekah does a beautiful job. She handles the subject with grace
and integrity. When I offered that she do a guest post it seemed natural
that the post would also be about sexual abuse. Rebekah and I come from slightly different viewpoints on things.
Rebekah is Christian and is very religious. While I, on the other hand,
consider myself more spiritual rather than religious. However, this does
not change the fact that we both agree this is a topic (along with many
others) that should be discussed more often and openly. This is a
difficult topic but I encourage you to read this post and then to check
out her book. Even if you are not a deeply religious person I believe
there is certainly something worth reading and to be appreciated in this
book. I will have more information on that below.
Guest Post
Healing
from sexual abuse is not a one size fits all victims. In fact, who the
victim is as a person before the abuse took place has much to do with
their journey in healing. The kind of survivor the victim will be is
based on who they are as a person before and after. The kind of healing a
victim is allowed to choose helps in taking their individual power back
from their abuser.
When I
wrote my book, A Letter to Myself: Speaking Out After Silence, I was
coming from a Christian family. I was coming from a predominantly
Christian community. I was also coming from a cautious personality as
well as a person who considered and still considers authority to be
obeyed, unless they ask one to do something against their conscience. I
also consider advice from others to be healthy if they have an objective
view and one’s best interest at heart. Due to my Christian background,
many have assumed that all sexual abuse survivors from religious
institutions have my personality and belief system. This is also not
true as several abuse survivors within Christendom have utilized other
methods and other belief systems to live their lives successfully.
Not every survivor of sex abuse is obligated to share their story nor
are they obligated to write it down. Many choose to only report to the
police and never mention their story again. Many survivors of sex abuse
have found healthy healing in places such as private journaling, yoga,
running, joining an activism group, group counseling, a hobby,
medication usage*, sex-yes, sex as not all sex abuse survivors fall on
the asexual end of the spectrum-.and becoming a parent. For me, becoming
a parent would just trigger many things I felt as a child as I would
watch a potential offspring of mine grow up. Other sex abuse survivors
find rearing a child healing because they determine to watch a child
grow up unscathed by what caused their childhood so much heartache.
Here are a few things I have found that have helped and continue to help me in my personal life journey towards healing:
I have an objective therapist as well as a psychiatrist I see regularly.
I use antidepressants to manage clinically diagnosed depression and anxiety.
I write and advocate for other sex abuse survivors.
I participate in community theater.
I utilize a support group of a few people who validate and respectfully challenge my feelings and thoughts.
It
has been a source of controversy that victims have a moral obligation
to tell authorities. In the case of adults coming to the realization
that what happened 15, 20, 35 or however many years ago was
unequivocally wrong, every state in America has different rules in what
counts as the statute of limitations. Statute of limitations is the time
period allowed in bringing certain kinds of legal action. Even many
adult sexual abuse victims will debate within themselves on police
involvement due to discrimination and bullying and even more abuse on
the victim who told instead of the predator who hurt. Contrary to
popular opinion and regrettably, it does matter who your abuser is.
Society is wired to look at others and declare on appearances if they
are right or wrong such as if a certain type of person could commit that
act or couldn’t possibly stoop that low. The legal system is also built
upon the idea that a person is innocent until proven guilty. Proven
guilty in this sentence means the court must have tangible evidence,
besides an oral report, such as a DNA test from the victim, a third
party witness, physical marks to photograph, suggestive text messages
and phone call reports and the like. These methods are the most accurate
way a court declares legal innocence or guilt, which is why reporting
after a lengthy time period can be difficult for the injured party.
Especially the DNA test as it is more reliable if the police are
contacted as soon as possible after rape or abuse in which exchange of
bodily fluids has occurred. If a victim has a great support system in
place, as mentioned in my book, there can be justice served on the
predator and great freedom for the victim as well as successful
continuation on one’s journey of healing.
I believe a good friend of mine, who has chosen to deal with things
privately and like me has even left legal reporting out of it due to the
passage of decades, said it best: “The thing about healing, is that it
is one of the few choices related to the situation that the victim gets
to make. The situation is so often the eventual realization that all
the choices where made against your will or outside of your control. But
now you have a say in what you do....and people still choose to
criticize that.”
*Medication
usage to treat anxiety and depression should always be done under the
care of a physician, preferably a psychiatrist as this licensed doctor
consults physical health and mental health together and often will make
patient referrals to other therapists or clinical visits.
Thank
you Rebekah, for joining us today and tackling a difficult topic. You're
helping to shed light on something that is much too often swept under
the rug and I'm glad that I can have a small part in bringing it to
light.
Here is Rebekah's most recent book
information as well as some links to get in touch with her. Rebekah has
also contributed poetry to the anthology of true stories by those with
Cystinosis and those that love them that I'm working on with a
Cystinosis mom. That will be coming out later this year. It is titled
Strength: Lives Touched by Cystinosis.
Title: A Letter to Myself: Speaking Out After Silence
Author: Rebekah Palmer
Publication Date: June 20, 2016
Blurb:
Have
you been told to keep someone else’s secret? Or, have you been told to
remain silent for the sake of others’ reputations? In far too many
churches and other organizations lurk man-driven agendas which override
the needs of the abused, adding to the hurt of those already hurting.
This
book uses the author’s personal experience of being sexually molested
and subsequently being silenced. She uses prose and poetry along with
Scripture and some current statistics to paint a picture of many boys’
and girls’ reality, a picture of a youth who was silenced instead of
protected. But more than a picture, this book also points a way forward,
helping the reader find resolution and a fulfilled life.
Contact Rebekah